I found a better way to say what kind of guy you are turning out to be for me. You are that burned emotionally unavailable guy. I sympathize with you about your emotional struggle and the baggage that it has put on you. But, I have my own emotional baggage. Most of my life I have been abused and neglected searching for someone that will truly love me. Not just abused by men but my family, friends, coworkers, and strangers too. I have a need to feel wanted and belong somewhere. That is why I invest so much time, effort, and money on the people I do feel close to. I want to bring them as much happiness as they bring me.
I have spent too much time in too many relationships trying to “win” a man’s heart only to learn later that it can’t be won or bought. It can only be given or stolen. You have no idea how many times I have been told that I was special or different than other women only to be left alone and lonely. So many times I have heard I was an exceptional woman and then be cheated on with a woman that could never compare to me. I am not with any of those men that found me so beautiful, intelligent, funny, sexy and exceptional. Because even being all of those things …I still wasn’t good enough for them to love me.
I won’t go through that with you. I thought I had a decent chance of having a loving relationship with you because we click so well and you said it was what you wanted. Instead, you have been avoiding me for no good reason… besides your pride. You hardly call me. You say I am moving too fast. You keep bringing up your past relationships. Those women are not me. I am unique. You say you love me…but then again you love everybody right? You said you felt good with me and that you could do things with me that you haven’t been able to do in a long time. Yet, you are still struggling with the idea of being with me.
You still think I am every woman. I don’t understand. Honestly, I don’t need to understand. Either you want me or you don’t. It’s as simple as that. If you do, then you need to seriously let it be known. I am not going to chase your heart anymore. I’m done. I deserve to be with someone who loves and appreciates me-Someone who does not ask himself why he should be with me- Someone who instead thinks he is crazy if he is not. That’s real love. One day I will have it.